


Going Total Rick

by demented_queen



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead all media types
Genre: Devious Gareth, Frustrated Daryl, M/M, Non ZA AU, Oblivious Rick, Phone Sex, Somethang!verse, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5088368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demented_queen/pseuds/demented_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl and Rick go to all the Starbucks to get their beloved bullmosas to get their Monday morning started. </p>
<p>Rick gets tricked into phone sex with Gareth.</p>
<p>I know, how in the hell does that happen?</p>
<p>This is part of the "There's Somethang About Rick" universe.  It's basically the Monday morning after Glenn and Maggie's wedding.  I thought we could use a good laugh.</p>
<p>Also, this is part of the phone sex collection thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Total Rick

**Author's Note:**

> You don't HAVE to have read my 'Somethang' fic to understand what's going on, just know that Daryl and Rick should not drink too many bullmosas at one time. And that a bullmosa is a cremosa (an Italian soda with cream) and Red Bull.
> 
> It could stop your heart.
> 
> And Gareth works at the biggest of the 3 Starbucks.
> 
> And that Carol shaved Rick completely without his consent about a week back.
> 
> I know, crazy huh?

 

 

“Aw hell!” Daryl grumbled as they made their way back to Rick’s apartment.

 

“What’s up Daryl?” Rick asked as he unlocked his front door while sipping on his bullmosa, the third one they had acquired from Starbucks that morning, helping them to get their late Monday morning started.  He was due in at the precinct just before noon.

 

“I forgot my damn wallet,” Daryl groused.  “Gotta go back for it now.”

 

“Oh, shit!” Rick grimaced.  “We managed _not_ to bump into Gareth the whole time there.”  

 

Gareth had indeed been serious about putting them on a ‘no serve’ list.  Fortunately for them, their young friend had only put them on a list in his own mind, not on an _actual_ list the other employees could see because apparently there was no such thing as a ‘no serve’ list at Starbucks.

 

So they had hopped from one Starbucks to the other until they ended at the largest of the three, luckily for Rick and Daryl, while Gareth was on break.

 

Well, it hadn’t exactly been _lucky_ as Rick and Daryl had lain in wait until the man went on said break.

 

“Fuck, now I’m gonna have to go back and Gareth’ll probably be there,” Daryl started but stopped when his cell phone started ringing.

 

Both men looked down at the picture displayed of the person calling.

 

It was a rather unflattering picture of Gareth sticking his finger in his ear while pulling a wedgie out of his jean-clad ass.

 

“Where’d you get that picture?” Rick asked.

 

“That damn hunting’ trip,” Daryl said.  “Aw hell, fucker found my wallet.”

 

Both men watched as the phone continued to chime.

 

“You gonna answer it?” Rick asked.

 

“He’ll give up,” Daryl shrugged.

 

Both men continued to watch as Daryl’s definition of Gareth ‘giving up’ didn’t quite match his own.

 

Tired of the incessant ringing, Rick grabbed the phone out of Daryl’s hand and answered it.  “Hello Gareth,” Rick drawled.

 

“Rick!” Gareth said.  “Didn’t expect _you_ to be answering Daryl’s cell.”

 

“You probably got something of Daryl’s, right?” Rick sighed.

 

“Yes, yes, I do Rick,” Gareth chuckled.  “Look, you and Daryl are big boys now.  You can order whatever drinks you want.  You can tell Daryl he can answer his phone from now on,” he finished off condescendingly.

 

Rick held the phone away and looked at Daryl.  “The jig’s up.  He knew what we were doing there.”

 

“Did you have to say jig?” Daryl grimaced as both men shuddered thinking back to the wedding and the dancing zombies.

 

Rick watched as Daryl walked over to the kitchen and started getting his skillet out of the cupboard to prepare breakfast.

 

Putting the phone back to his ear, Gareth said, “so Rick.  I was wondering…”

 

“Yeah?” Rick said.

 

“You know, about what Carol had…you know… _done_ to you,” Gareth continued.

 

“You mean _shaved_ me?!” Rick sighed.  “Yeah.”

 

“So,” Gareth bemused, “is it growing back now?”

 

“Well, yes, seeing as how not even in death stops hair growth, so, yes Gareth, it’s growing back,” Rick huffed.  “Think early stages of a Chia Pet.”

 

Oh God.  

 

Would the humiliation ever end?

 

“So,” Gareth chuckled into the phone, “it must be fuzzy all over your chest now?”

 

“Yes, Gareth,” Rick sighed. 

 

“I mean,” Gareth said, “what’s it like to have stubble, _actual_ stubble, on your chest?”

 

“Where’s this going?” Rick asked, not at all amused anymore.  Not like he ever was really.

 

“Alex wants to shave all the hair on his body.  He says he wants to go _‘total Rick,’_ ” Gareth said.  

 

Oh good.

 

Shaving the hair off one’s body had a name now.

 

_His._

 

“It’s not like I consented to a ‘total Rick,’” Rick said angrily.  “Goddammit!  Now you got me calling it that!”

 

“Relax Rick,” Gareth said calmly.  “I just wanted to let him know what it would feel like once it started growing back in.”

 

“Oh,” Rick said, a pout on his lips.

 

Well, that was fair.

 

If Gareth’s idiot brother wanted to shave all the hair off his body, he should know what he would be in store for him.

 

“So?” Gareth asked innocently.  “What’s the hair on your chest feel like?”

 

Rick lifted his tee-shirt and started running his hand over his chest slowly.  “It kinda hurts at first, like tiny, little pin pricks but then it just tickles,” Rick said as he giggled before running his hand over one nipple.

 

“So…you’re running your hand over your chest…now?” Gareth asked while clearing his throat.

 

“Yeah,” Rick said as he nodded.

 

It did feel nice.

 

At this point, Gareth lowered his voice suggestively, “what about…the um…area around your johnson.  What’s that like down there?”

 

“Alex really wanna do that?” Rick whispered into the phone.  

 

“‘Total Rick,’ the man said,” Gareth said, rather lewdly.

 

“You wanna know how it feels?” Rick winced.

 

“God _yes_ ,” Gareth exclaimed.  “Um…for Alex, of course.”

 

Shrugging, Rick stuck his hand down his pants, “Michonne got me these underwear.  Made of silk,” he said excitedly before moaning, “God they feel good, ‘specially with my groin all shaved down there.  But now, with the hair growing back, it feels even better…Gareth?  You okay?”

 

Rick stopped when he heard heavier breathing than usual over the phone.  “Fine, Rick,” Gareth breathed out, “I’m fine.  You feeling yourself down there now?”

 

“Yeah,” Rick sighed.  “It feels so…”

 

“Rick!” Daryl shouted.  “Are you having phone sex with Gareth?!”

 

“What? _No!_ ” Rick exclaimed.  He then looked down at his hand, his traitorous hand, sticking down his pants, rubbing himself against his clothed erection.

 

'Erection' being the key word here.

 

“Oh God!” Rick exclaimed and threw the phone onto the garish couch as if the thing had just burned his hand.

 

Both men looked down at Daryl’s phone on the couch.

 

Daryl reached down and picked the phone up and held it out, both men hearing the amused laughter coming from the phone.

 

Putting the phone to his ear, Daryl growled, “that wasn’t funny Gareth.”

 

“No, it wasn’t even a _little bit_ funny,” Daryl said, a furious look on his face, returning Gareth’s obvious defense.  “You _violated_ Rick!”

 

“What the hell is wrong with this place?!” Rick hollered.  “First I was knocked out and groomed without my consent!  I mean, someone came here in the middle of the night, got me all naked and ran a razor all over my body!”

 

Daryl looked up from the phone, a blank expression on his face.  “Ran a razor all over your naked...naked body…”

 

“Now _this_!  Violated…via Sprint!” Rick shouted while waving his hands around in the air.  “I swear.  I’m gonna need therapy living here.  Next thing you know, some therapist is gonna give me a teddy bear and tell me to point out all the places I touched myself,” he said with a pout.  “Oh God, teddy bear,” he moaned as he remembered Beth’s substitute of himself.

 

Bending over, Rick reached into the jar and pulled out a lollipop.  He tore off the wrapper and stuck the candy into his mouth, sucking on it furiously.

 

“Great!” Daryl shouted into the phone.  “You got Rick stress sucking now!…No!  He ain’t sucking on my…!” the man stopped screaming when he looked over at Rick guiltily.  “I swear I should come over there and put a bolt in your ass… _No_!  That was _not_ a sexual metaphor!  Fuck Gareth!  Now I want you to fucking apologize to Rick, right now….yes, and fucking mean it!”

 

Daryl breathed in and out deeply before he handed the phone back to Rick.  “He wants to say sorry,” Daryl said, as he finally managed to calm down.

 

“ _He_ wants to?” Rick said, taking the lollipop out of his mouth.

 

“Yeah,” Daryl shrugged.

 

Rick plucked the phone out of Daryl’s hand and held it up to his ear to await Gareth’s ‘apology.’

 

“So,” Gareth said, amusement in his voice, “was it as good for you as it was for me?”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment if you liked it.
> 
> Or leave me one if you think I need help.


End file.
